Who am I?

Last night, we watched Marley and Me -- we liked it a lot.  I suppose you must be a parent of small children and a dog lover/owner to enjoy it.   The one scene that keeps echoing in my soul is when  Jennifer Aniston was at the end of her rope and stressed with being a SAHM -- she talks about suddenly waking up in the midst of raising your children wondering who you've become.  It's a question that keeps raising its head on me since watching The bucket list a few weeks ago.    Warning:  spoiler -- In this movie, Morgan Freeman is diagnosed terminal cancer.  In one scene he talks about how after decades of marriage, when his children were grown, he suddenly looked at his spouse and wonder where the person is that you married and then looked to himself and wondered who he was.

In both movies, the similar  scene shouted at me a reminder. . .people get so busy with life and the daily grind that they forget who they were and how they got where they were!  Usually, our passions and our beliefs drive us through life; we make decisions based on what we like, what we believe and who we are.  But often, in our quest to fulfill our passions and beliefs, we get lost in the shuffle and go through each day on autopilot doing what we need to do to "get things done".  

I don't want to do that. This blog was opened partially to remember the person I am.  Not the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister, the granddaugher, but JODI.   God has blessed me with so many gifts and passions, yet I don't talk about them.  Thankfully, I still do many of them.  Yet I don't celebrate them.  I do them and move on.  I want to remember . . . I want to go through mid life without crisis.  I want to have a "midlife celebration".  I want to celebrate who God made me. . . my warts, my wrinkles. . . my passions, my talents.

I want to be sure to be careful not to focus so much on my family that I forget who I am.  I don't want to wake up 50 and ask myself "where did Jodi Go?"  And quite honestly, our life has been a blur the past 4 years.  

Tonight, on the way home, Shawn and I were alone in my dad's car.  The kids were shopping with my parents, and we were talking about how we'd love to have never experienced childhood cancer.  But then we were talking and would we?  We are so different.  the people we have become are the people we prefer to be.   I don't want to be the person I was 4 years ago.  We are so much more God focused, so much more focused on living. . . LIVING . . . LIVING!  

What I mean is that we live with this cliche in mind.  "Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, today is a gift that is why we call it the PRESENT."  However, I would change that to say, we appreciate the gift of today while living with our EYE on the future. . . planning, hoping, preparing for tomorrow.  While we remember yesterday and try to learn from it.   

So that is what I will do. . . LIVE for today, remember yesterday, plan for tomorrow and celebrate my family and myself. . . today's thought is. . . God made me Jodi. . . what are my gifts?  What are my thoughts?  I want to be the best Jodi I can be.  God help me.

Third day's revelation is very helpful right now to me  "Give me revelation, show me what to do, I've been trying to find my way, but I haven't got a clue".  That is how I often feel. . . I haven't got a clue.  Guide me, mold me make me!